Never Know…

what I want.

I constantly feel like I’m no good at what I do. I thought that I had a handle on my camera but the more I do photography and just overall I feel so out of it. Maybe I need to just practice more. I’m constantly doubting myself and I shouldn’t be.

sociologyI’ve been drowning myself in all my other classes and I never have anything else to think about. For example, I started this blog about a month ago and this is my first official blog post! I forgot how much work it was to just be a full time student. The classes aren’t that bad. I have art appreciation, which has become my fave class. Then I have argument-based research, which I thought I would be really good at, but obviously there is more to it than just arguing a side. It being an online class, has definitely made it all the more difficult because we end up doing more work than the people that are in the actual class. Then there is my sociology class. Which I thought would not be so bad, and it really hasn’t been, but lordy we have a seven chapter midterm tomorrow and I haven’t even been able to prepare for it. We don’t take weekly tests… and now we’re having a seven chapter test. YIKES! I’ve done fairly well with everything else that we have done. We have one more project to do, which I am at a complete loss about! But I’ll get through it like I always do. Then of course I have intermediate photography, which I absolutely LOVE! It’s getting harder and harder to come up with some original ideas but for the most part it’s been great learning all the different things you can do in the darkroom.

This week we’re working on multiple imagery. I’ve had quite a few ideas but none that I’m totally wowed about. Which brings my level of excitement down a notch. I guess with my disappointment in my infrared film has really put me in a foul mood because I worked really hard on two rolls of film and only had one good print. It’s stressful and frustrating, but I’m learning and I don’t feel as bad because a lot of us didn’t have that many good shots. But like anything, all my attention has been focused on my other classes and not this one. It makes me feel like I’m not trying, when really what it is… is that I just don’t have the time. When I get to class I’m pumped to be doing new things, then when it comes to actually going out and doing it, I just don’t have the energy.

FrustrationI’m hoping things will get much better when this semester is over and I can really begin with my photography classes. Who knows. I’ve just be going through the motions and not even really thinking about anything. It’s kind of sad.

I should really be studying for my midterm but I’m just not feeling it. I always get this way when it comes to midterms. I was never taught the proper way to study so that could also be why I don’t ever study. Oh well.

It’s just another day.


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